Addressing Imposter Syndrome in Play Therapy
Cathi Spooner 
Are you feeling like a fraud when working with parents in the play therapy treatment process?
Being an Imperfect Parent Helping Parents
One of the biggest challenges for play therapists working with parents of their young clients is often a sense of Imposter Syndrome. Feeling like you’re a fraud because of your own imperfections in parenting and giving parenting tips to the parents of your clients because you’re the “expert.”
How many times have you had a “less than ideal parenting moment” only to go to work and advise parents to do the opposite of exactly what you did at home with your own kids?
I’m not talking about abuse or corporal punishment here. I’m talking about times when your imperfections show up because you get emotionally triggered, which then activates your “therapist shame.” Feeling like a failure as a parent and as a therapist working with children and adolescents. You struggle with reconciling your own imperfections as a parent with being the “expert” on children’s mental health and parenting.
I find this is often a big reason child and adolescent therapists avoid creating a more intentional plan to integrate parents in the treatment process and sometimes even avoid family therapy sessions when it’s probably a good way to help their clients.
Is it really true that you can’t help parents because you also struggle with getting it wrong sometimes with your own children?
I remember my own internal battle with imposter syndrome when my children were younger because my imperfections were glaring (at least in my mind). My husband and I have two sons who are now young adults pursuing their own life goals. They are a shining reminder to me that “good enough” parenting can result in two amazing human beings. When our children were growing up they were not the easiest of children because of their ADHD, sensory processing challenges, and giftedness. Each son was unique in his manifestation of symptoms of ADHD and managing their emotions. The reality is that it made for some challenging parenting experiences that I didn’t always handle well. And this coupled with the fact that my husband and I both come from families with generational trauma and attachment issues as well as a generational family history of addiction in my family only added to my imposter syndrome. We had to figure out how to parent differently than we were parented in many ways and make sure to keep the “good stuff” from our family experiences. We were committed to being the best parents to our children despite our imperfections.
Authenticity Builds Opportunity for Rapport and Engagement
How can you recognize and embrace your imperfections while also trusting that you're actually helping your clients and their parents?
At some point in my career as a child, adolescent, and family therapist, I had to figure out how to deal with the disparity of my own imperfections, the lack of ability to fall back on wisdom from my parents, and being an “expert” in child and adolescent mental health. My imposter syndrome was frequently present in my mind, and I often felt like failure to my children. Thankfully, my children didn't see me that way – proof again that “good enough” parenting and a commitment to be the best parent to my children would reap good rewards.
Being a Jedi Master Play Therapist
How can you take the wisdom of the “lessons” you’ve learned in life to help you be a more authentic and compassionate “wise guide” to support your client and their parents?
Here’s what I’ve learned over the past 30 years as a child and adolescent therapist and as a mother…
You can use your human imperfections to empower you to become an exceptional child and adolescent therapist when you tap into your superpowers. Your willingness to be self-aware and practice what you’re encouraging parents to do creates authenticity. Working through your own parenting challenges and the repair process with your family can provide opportunities for you to tap into your superpower as an imperfect guide. You can use that knowledge and experience to show parents of your young clients how they can increase self-awareness and work through the repair process to deepen their relationship with their children. Your therapeutic superpowers are your ability to effectively tap into your therapeutic use of self with appropriate boundaries to help parents trust you and feel comfortable being vulnerable about their own parenting struggles. Being compassionately present with parents nonjudgmentally invites them to feel seen and heard without feeling judged by you. You can use the wisdom you’ve gained both in life and professional knowledge/skills/abilities to help engage your client’s parents and family in the change process. Helping families heal means that you’ve helped one family change and the impact of that might be for generations to come.
Recap:
- Being a therapist doesn’t mean you’re immune from life challenges
- It means you need to “walk the walk, not just talk the talk”
- Own your imperfections to be a more authentic and compassionate helper – tap into the Force and be amazing bringing your unique gifts to help your clients
- Engaging parents and families in the treatment process means you can make a difference in the lives of family members for generations
If you’re interested in learning more about providing family play therapy to engage your client and their family members in the change process, check out my book, Attachment-focused Family Play Therapy: An Intervention for Children and Adolescents After Trauma.
Categories: : Attachment-Focused Family Play Therapy
