The Dangerous Lie Every Isolated Play Therapist Believes

Discover why isolation—not lack of ability—is often the real reason play therapists struggle with confidence and clinical self-doubt.

Why isolation—not lack of skill—is often the real reason play therapists lose confidence

If you've ever found yourself wondering...

"Maybe I'm just not a very good play therapist."

You're not alone.

In fact, it's one of the most common thoughts I hear from child and adolescent therapists. Whether they're brand new to the field or have years of experience, many play therapists quietly carry the same fear:

"Everyone else seems to know what they're're doing except me."

I want to challenge that belief today because I don't think it's true.

I think it's a lie that grows in isolation.

And unfortunately, that lie doesn't just affect your confidence—it affects the quality of the work you do with children and families.

Isolation Changes the Story You Tell Yourself

Working with children can be incredibly rewarding, but it can also be surprisingly lonely.

Many play therapists are the only child therapist in their agency or private practice. The colleagues around them may primarily work with adults, using treatment approaches that don't easily translate to play therapy.

Even when those colleagues are supportive, they often don't fully understand the unique clinical decisions that come with using the therapeutic powers of play.

Without people who truly understand your work, it's easy to begin filling in the gaps with your own assumptions.

You start scrolling through social media and see beautiful playrooms, confident therapists, and polished clinical advice.

Suddenly the thoughts begin:

Everyone else knows what they're doing.
My playroom isn't good enough.
I should be getting better results.
Maybe I'm missing something.
Maybe I'm just not cut out for this.

The problem isn't that those thoughts are accurate.

The problem is that when you're isolated, they become your only narrative.

The Confidence Problem Isn't Really About Confidence

One of the biggest mindset shifts I've had over the years is realizing that confidence doesn't disappear because we're incapable.

Confidence disappears because we lose perspective.

When you're practicing in isolation, there's nobody sitting beside you saying,

"That happened to me too."

Nobody reminding you that difficult parent phone calls are normal.

Nobody reassuring you that challenging cases don't mean you're failing.

Instead, every difficult session becomes evidence that something must be wrong with you.

That's a heavy burden to carry.

And it's one I see over and over again in the play therapy community.

Check the Facts

One of the ideas I love borrowing from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is the concept of checking the facts.

Let's do that for a moment.

If you truly were the only play therapist struggling with self-doubt...

If you really were the only therapist questioning your clinical decisions...

If everyone else actually had this figured out...

Then every consultation call I lead would sound completely different.

Instead, I hear the same concerns repeatedly.

Play therapists wonder if they're helping their clients.

They question whether they're making the right clinical decisions.

They dread difficult conversations with parents.

They worry about being "found out" as not knowing enough.

After nearly 35 years in the field and almost two decades of supervising and consulting with therapists, I can confidently say this:

These struggles are not unique.

They're common.

Which means this isn't a you problem.

It's an isolation problem.

What Changes When You Find Your Community?

One of my favorite moments during consultation happens when someone bravely shares a difficult case or admits they're feeling discouraged.

Almost immediately another therapist responds,

"That happened to me too."

Or...

"I've struggled with that exact same thing."

You can literally watch the relief appear on someone's face.

Nothing about the case has changed yet.

No intervention has been suggested.

No new technique has been taught.

The very first thing that changes is the story they're telling themselves.

Instead of:

"I'm failing."

It becomes:

"I'm not alone."

That shift matters.

Because when shame decreases, curiosity returns.

When curiosity returns, clinical thinking improves.

And when clinical thinking improves, so does the quality of care we provide.

Training Is Important—But It's Not Enough

I believe deeply in continuing education.

I'm constantly taking trainings myself because I want to keep growing as a clinician.

But over the years I've realized something important.

Training gives us knowledge.

Community helps us apply it.

A workshop can teach you a model.

A consultation community helps you think through how to use that model with the child sitting in front of you today.

Training tells you what to do.

Community helps you figure out why it isn't working, what you're missing, and what to try next.

Both matter.

But one without the other often leaves therapists feeling stuck.

Authentic Therapists Aren't Perfect Therapists

Earlier in my career, I thought being professional meant hiding parts of myself.

Eventually I realized something.

Play therapy is relational work.

Children don't need perfection.

Families don't need perfection.

They need authenticity.

Professional authenticity.

If we're constantly trying to become some imaginary version of the "perfect therapist," we eventually become exhausted.

Instead, I believe our goal is to continue growing while allowing ourselves to remain human.

That means asking questions.

Seeking consultation.

Learning from others.

Receiving support.

Because no therapist—no matter how experienced—should have to carry this work alone.

Community Changes More Than Your Confidence

When therapists find the right clinical community, something remarkable happens.

They stop second-guessing every decision.

They begin thinking more strategically.

They become more grounded in their case conceptualization.

They stop frantically searching online for the "perfect activity" and instead start asking better clinical questions.

Most importantly, they rediscover the joy that brought them into play therapy in the first place.

That transformation is exactly why I created communities instead of focusing only on trainings.

Because I've watched what happens when therapists stop trying to do this work alone.

The change isn't just professional.

It's personal.

You Don't Have to Figure This Out Alone

If you've been carrying the weight of isolation, I want you to know something:

You don't have to keep doing it alone.

Whether you're a brand-new play therapist or have years of experience, having a community of clinicians who understand your work makes an incredible difference.

That's why I created Play Therapy Elevation CIRCLE—a community where play therapists come together each month for consultation, case conceptualization, book discussions, clinical conversations, and practical support. We learn together, think together, and help each other grow with confidence.

If you're looking for a deeper level of mentorship, structured supervision, and advanced skill development while working toward mastering a play therapy model, Play Therapy Academy offers a more intensive consultation experience designed to build strong clinical foundations.

If you're unsure which community is right for you, schedule a 30-minute video call. We'll talk about your goals and determine which path best fits where you are in your professional journey.

Because the most dangerous lie an isolated play therapist believes is that they're supposed to figure it all out alone.

You aren't.

And you never were.

Categories: : Community, Play Therapy Academy, Play Therapy Elevation Circle, Podcast, Role of parents, Supervision